need help to understand a meth and alcohol addict?
Question by joannluna1974: need help to understand a meth and alcohol addict?
my boyfriend has been using meth and drinking heavy.he will disappear every weekend,and he has lost a job and on the verg of losing another.he says he loves me and wants to quit,but then again he will leave and not come home.i dont know how meth addiction works and im not sure how alcohol addiction works eather.im trying to be understanding but it still hurts.is it normal for a persons attitude to change.he use to be some what nice to me and seemed sorry when he use to disappear,but now he seems more distant and cold when he is home.i told him we could seperate until he found out what he wants but he says no.i want to stand by his side and help him through this but at times im not sure he really loves me.is it just the addiction,or is it just him.please help me understand.if i new he cared and it was the drugs making him this way,id be able to stand by his side,but if its not i need to let go.please help.
Addictions are all about hitting the bottom.
If you enable him, you are keeping him from hitting his bottom.
In order to get him serious enough to stop, you have to set some parameters on what he will lose if he doesn’t – your love, your home, your support, etc.
Until he understands the repercussions of not quitting, you are battling an uphill battle.
Tough love is always best when dealing with addictions – don’t be an enabler.
ALANON is a support group for the friends and families members of alcoholics. Call 211, United Way, for the local listings of meetings. Start there.
hey dont make your boyfriend to promise quitting meth and alcohol
no one can do it ,,,,
make him promise to go and see a professional help
with some determination and understanding of both of you ,, he can be made a normal person
addiction can change a lot in ones personality ,, it changes with the drug , it dose , duration ,, some can be permanent ..
or later on it could lead to psychiatric problems like schizophrenia too ,, get him help or u will be party to crime if you dont take him to a de addiction center asap
The way he is treating you is not him. It is the drug. You are doing a good thing by standing by him,but just becareful not to get mixed up with anything or anyone. It could be dangerous. Something else that it is something that no one wants to think about but it is best to know what can happen. A friend of ours used to be into the Meth. He did get out of it but because of his prior use when he hurt him self he had broke a few bones and the bones in his foot would not heel. The doctors says that is was the meth. 2 weeks ago he just had his foot cut off. Drug useage ruins you ablitiy to heal. Just the other day my cousin died and she was big into drugs and meth. She was life support for 19 days. So it is better for you to find him the help he needs now. He may hate you for it at the time but he will love you later and you will be his angel.
Go to this site, It has lots of information on meth
http://www.methinfo.org
Hope it helps out.
I dont at this time have a good one acholol but am willing to look for one if you want
Vicki
You will be helping him by leaving him. People with drug/alcohol prolems NEED to experience the full consequences of thier actions in order to start getting sober. Also, drugs and alcohol numb people’s emotions when sober. It takes time to start feeling. literally. And of course, this must be taking a toll on your emotional stability- he is your boyfriend. Just please remember that it is extremly important that he experiences all of the consequences and that noone keep him from that.
Take care
if you want to talk anytime- just send me an e-mail
try and get him to go to A A that will help
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Meth/alcohol addictions take over a person–it can change them into a different person. Right now, all your boyfriend can think about is his next high/fix. He doesn’t have room for loving or caring for you. That’s what addiction does to a person. The bad thing is meth (and alcohol, too) is a very hard addiction to quit. I’ve dealt with various addictions, both in myself and in friends and family members. What you need to do right now is let go of him. I’m sure he’s telling you that he wants you to stay–but what he really needs you to do is to leave. As long as you stay, there’s nothing you can do to help him quit, really. Quitting is up to him. But if you stay, you’re likely to (without knowing it, sometimes) make him able to continue in his addiction. By filling in the gaps that he can’t fill while he’s on meth, you’re only making it easier for him to stay addicted. But if you leave, he will have to face his addiction. He won’t have you standing there to make things okay. And the only way your boyfriend will be able to recover is to face his addiction and recognize what it is doing to his life.
So yes, the drugs are influencing his behavior. But that doesn’t mean you should stay with him. This can be hard and tricky, because you love him and you know what he’s like when he’s not addicted. But right now, meth and alcohol are consuming him. What you need to do, both for him and for yourself, is to set limits: tell him you won’t see him unless he’s working to recover from his addiction by getting into a 12-step program, like AA and NA (narcotics anonymous). Remember that he will want to keep you with him so that you can keep doing things for him to make it easier for him to stay in his addiction, so watch out for that. There is hope: AA and NA have changed many, many lives–I’ve met the people that it’s worked for. Plus, the meetings are free and there are groups in every city. You can look online to find out where the closest one is, or you can call your local hospital. Hospitals usually have that info on hand, or can tell you where you can find it. Here’s a thought: go with him to the meetings! Many friends and family go with their loved ones to the meetings even if they themselves aren’t addicts so that they can learn more about what their loved ones are going through and be supportive. That would be the most loving thing you could do for your boyfriend right now.
You also need to get support for yourself. There are groups like AA and NA for families of addicts. One that comes to mind is CoDA–co-dependents anonymous. Many of the people that go to those have relatives/spouses, etc. that have addiction problems. You can get in touch with those the same way as you can find the AA or NA groups; or you can go to the AA/NA group and ask around, since the spouses that attend will know of support groups that they attend as well. Once again, you local hospital might have connections to various support groups for family/friends of addicts. You have to take care of yourself first, before you can yelp your boyfriend. Think of the lifeguard: if he drowns, he can’t save the person he’s trying to help! The biggest thing to know, though, is that you can’t “fix” your boyfriend. He has to do that himself. It’s painful, but that’s the only way he can recover.
It is possible (though painful, I know), that your boyfriend will not be willing to try to recover from his addictions. If this is the case, it is important–very, very important–that you cut ties with him and move on. People can be dangerous when they’re caught up in an addiction, and you don’t want to end up a victim. In the meantime, I recommend that you move out (if you’re living with him) to give yourself some distance and independence. Don’t help him, except to help him get to recovery meetings and rehab (which he may need to detox from the meth). This is the time for tough love. If he has the motivation to recover, then he will, and he’ll thank you for doing these things later. In the meantime, look out for yourself and step back. Get support and stay strong–that’s the best advice I can give.
My heart goes out to you–hugs from afar. *love*
Kristen
well…I think is better if he would go at a center where there are people that help you get over alcohol or drugs, etc. But if there are no places like that or if he won’t go then you should talk to him seriously. and tell him that if you will help him get throw this. be very supportive with him and tell him that if he won’t do this you will live him. and if he really loves you he will try to get well. if he doesn’t love you he will promise you everything, but he won’t do a thing. if he doesn’t quit drinking and using the other thing I suggest you to leave him, because he will just ruin your life too, and I don’t think that you deserve it! good luck!
I was some what like your boyfriend and have known lots of others like him. Meth is like scooping brain cells out with a large spoon. His lose of being intouch with reality ,if it hasn’t already, will eventually happen and there is no limit to his bezarre behaviour. It’s like being in a car going 100 miles an hour with no brakes. I can’t tell you what to do with your life but it’s not going to be a fun ride if you hang on. God Bless you and good luck.
If it’s one subject I’m experienced in and good at leaving pretty informative answers, are questions like yours, about meth.
For one, good for you that you haven’t gotten into the addiction yourself since someone you love is, usually a person gets into a relationship and begins to use with their significant other thinking its a way to bond or because they lose hope for their b/f or g/f, don’t care since they obviously don’t and get themselves started into something, that is just completely life ruining.
Anyways, to answer your question, I’ll start by saying this, don’t dwell on trying to understand why he does the things he does, because I gaurantee you, he’s not even able to understand what hes doing. You will never get a clear understanding of an addict or their addiction, the addict doesn’t even understand more then half the time.
When a person is using a drug, it alters their minds, and changes their attitudes, looks, and outlooks on life. Sure, you’ll see the “real” him come out here and there, but 98% of the time, its a constant roller coaster with mood swings. I never knew what type of mood to expect when my ex would come back after a whole day and night, sometimes longer.
He’s becoming more distant because he’s ashamed of what he’s become and believe it or not, I think he’s keeping his distance from you because he doesn’t want to put you through his problem, if that makes sense. He’s putting you through his addiction and the effects of it anyway you look at it, but my ex used to be really mean on purpose to try to get me to go back home to my parents so I didn’t have to lead that kind of life. Of course I was an addict too, but despite all the bad I still believed in him.
Does he love you? Thats a hard question to answer, I’m sure he does in his own ways, but feels he doesn’t deserve you or your love. Its good that you want to stay by his side to help him out, but sadly with meth addiction, one of the hardest and most complicated addictions to overcome and stay sober from, he has to want to help himself, needs to admit he has a problem and needs to throw his pride away and let people who love him help, cause you can’t do it on your own. Only 8% of meth addicts get clean from meth and stay clean, thats a sad number. I don’t know how long he’s been using, but the longer he keeps on, the harder it will be to kick and the more likely he won’t be a part of that 8%.
Sadly, the ones who do give up their addictions for good are the ones who have had traumatic life situations or they hit rock bottom.
My advice to you, which I know you don’t want to hear, is that you need to explain to him that youre there for him but you can’t be boyfriend and girlfriend, if you continue to be there as a girlfriend he will just keep putting you through all the drama that I know goes on because of his addiction, and by you sticking around is almost like telling him, go ahead, I’ll still be here, I won’t leave you. Sometimes as an addict you have to lose everything in order to get yourself back, once that happens you can work on getting what was lost back.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this, though he has an addiction, deep down I know he’s a great guy, just like my ex, and everyday and night I would pray that, that person that I see shine through here and there and very rarely at that, would come out and stay, sadly it took me almost 3 years of living on the streets, or motel to motel, getting lucky when we’d meet someone who would let us stay at their house for a month or two. It took numerous cop and narc raids, putting my parents through God only knows what, by constantly coming home then leaving over and over. It took my ex doing something so completely stupid, to make me finally call it quits. He robbed a ladies car, cause he was sick and needed a fix, they traced him back to the house we were staying at, the cops raided that same night, and everyone was arrested. I got it pretty easy, a year and a half probation, attending meetings, drug testing and so on. My reason for telling you that little story is because you can also be risking getting in trouble with the law even if your not doing anything wrong. Your boyfriend isn’t caring or even thinking about that right now, and he wouldnt put you in a situation intentionally, but when your on drugs, you don’t think about anything but the next fix, puff, or line.
Sorry this is quite long, I always end up writing long answers to questions regarding this issue, because I’ve been through the bad, worse and worst with this drug. It’s important to not forget about yourself and to not put youself in any danger or situation that could change your life forever, by just being at the right place at the wrong time, or wrong place at the right time, which ever way you want to look at it. I lost three years of my life possibly longer, because I didn’t want to listen to my family or friends and because I always put the ones I loved before myself. Maybe if I would have listened in the beginning I wouldn’t be struggling with this life controlling problem called meth, and I will for the rest of my life now, don’t wait until its to late.
I hope you had the patience to read through all of this, I know it was long, but I hope it gave you some insight and good adivce in the right direction.
To find out more about the effects of meth on the brain, personal stories and blogs from recovered addicts, recovering addicts, addicts still and their families you should visit my favorite site here http://www.methmadness.com
Take care hun, hope everything turns out ok for the both of you. If your meant to be together, let go and you’ll find eachother again.
I understand how you feel. My wife got addicted to meth, and alcohol.
She went from being a great wife, to someone I don’t know. If he’s gone a lot, then he is using. I found that out. He wants you to stay
to help support him. Be careful, he will replace you with someone who
parties and thinks like him. My wife went crazy, got a meth boyfriend, then tried to kill me when I told her I wasn’t going to support her anymore. She went from being responsible, to a criminal.
I go to Alanon meetings now. I was a co-dependent.
I would move out quick, if you not already out, before you get hurt.
Good luck.
I am just finding out that my fiance’ is using meth and i feel so betrayed, scared, and lost. I am clueless when it comes to meth and i am just looking for answers. I want to stay by her side and help her, but i do not want to subject myself to diseases, more hurt, or finding her dead. She says she will quit for me and that i could even keep the drug and give her bits at a time but what is that going to do but enable her? I dont even want to see it and definitely not touch it but should i sense she wants to stop or at least try for me? I feel like she needs to experience losing me to get it but i love her so very much and i honestly thought this was my Soulmate. Im beginning to read about meth and how the behaviors of addicts change but shes always sweet. The only thing that i have experienced is jealousy and envading my privacy due to thinking im cheating or hiding something. I do love her and want to help but i am afraid… Please help!